Once
there was a man who loved a girl. She was a warm girl. My heart was hers. The sun
might bee too hot, the wind might be too harsh. When she talked to me, my heart
stopped. You live through my text.
This is good in the sense that the story is all there. But it's confusing that you shift between the third person (Once there was a man who loved a girl. She was a warm girl) and the first person (My heart was hers). Do one, or the other - not both.
This is good in the sense that the story is all there. But it's confusing that you shift between the third person (Once there was a man who loved a girl. She was a warm girl) and the first person (My heart was hers). Do one, or the other - not both.
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