“When are you home from work?” My wife asks. “At 4 pm” I said. “Can you
pick up the kids on your way?” She asks. “Of cause” I said. This year we are
travel to USA. It is the first time we are going there. We were flying with the
airplane company called “Jupitor.” Their airplanes are really big. When our
daughter Mona Lisa said “I have to pee,” it was really difficult to find a
toilet, because the plane was so big. On the flight my wife read the book
“Fifty Shades of Grey”. She loves that book. When we landed, we ate breakfast
at Burger King. It’s really typical in USA. After that we saw a sign with a
train and go there. We took the train and went on shopping. There was a lot of
hardware store, my wife bought a lot of stuff, example cups, plates and knife.
We wanted to find some vegetables, but it is very difficult to find in the USA.
A last we found a store on “Brørupstreet” and then we bought cucumbers and
tomatoes and some carrots. Later we went on a museum about John F. Kennedy. It
was very interesting, the Thompson gun he was shoots with, was also shown.
There are a lot of birds in the US streets. We saw blackbirds, starlings and
crows. There is also a lot of stop signs and my wife Rimmel almost when out in
front of a car, because she missed one sign. The taxies in US do not stop for
the foot passengers. There are also so many Ben & Jerry´s stores, so of
cause we also got one ice cream from here and it was really good. The big city
and its cultures have really impressed us, there are so many people and they
are so sweet. We will recommend anyone to go there.
Apart from the fact that you shift between past and present tense for no reason at all (which makes it difficult to follow the events), the piece works OK as non-fiction, as travel writing should. The depiction of the USA is not really realistic, but that could be because you are not quite familiar with the place in real life. It's certainly funny to find "Brørupstreet" there!
ReplyDeleteThe ingredients are used OK, apart from the tendency to use lists as a short cut. A good example of creativity is to call the airline Jupiter.
Too many spelling mistakes, though! Proofread! "My wife Rimmel"???? Rommel? A politician???