Travel story
It was a cold winters day in Denmark and Mr. & Mrs. Hansen were
about to leave for Paris with their two kids. The day of the departure Mille
and Johnny were packing, when Mille asked Johnny: “Are you going to pick up the
kids?”, whereto Johnny answered “Yes I am”. When Johnny left to pick up the
kids, Mille drove to the Hardware store to buy a saw, a hammer and a lamp
before they left for Paris.
Johnny picked up Chanel and Barry from school, and was heading towards
the airport, where they would meet up with Mille. When they got to the airport,
they found Mille on a bench reading her favorite book “The Hunger Games”. They
checked in to airside, and left with plane Boeing 226, but the pilot told
Chanel that they called the airplane John F. Kennedy.
Their first day in Paris they went to see the famous painting Mona Lisa.
Mille has always wanted to see this particular painting, and couldn’t stop
taking photos.
The fifth day in Paris, they went to a zoo with a lot of birds. They got
photos of an eagle, a crane and an emu. Barry, the youngest of the four,
noticed three signs in the zoo. The no swimming sign besides the lake, then he
saw a no smoking sign in the restaurant where they ate and he was not allowed
to walk on any of the grass.
Round about lunchtime Johnny was feeling a bit peckish, and he therefor
bought a Mars chocolate. Barry then yelled “I want an ice cream, mom!” and they
bought him and Chanel an ice cream.
On their way home from the zoo they drove pass McDonald’s and Burger
King. It was lunchtime, so Barry was crying and he said that he wanted a burger
and fries.
They finally returned to their hotel, Revolver, and had a nice and quiet
evening.
The text works fine as travel writing, except that they don't meet anyone interesting in Paris - this makes the city seem rather dull. But you certainly make the account read like non-fiction, which is very good.
ReplyDeleteThe ingredients are used OK, but it seems odd that she went to the hardware store with that shopping list. In fact most of the time you just use the list form when you have to put in some items from the word list - which is in fact not a terribly creative strategy. You could be more daring, as for instance when you named the hotel Revolver!