Thursday, March 27, 2014


A travel to Paris - Personal look at Paris

“My family and I went to Paris to experience the city. My brother and I just have to see Mona Lisa, so we went the Louvre Musset. On the way to the museum, we saw a lot of bird like a blackbird, a parrot and a house sparrow. To getting there, we needed to take the train, and it took a while. We were not quite sure were the station was, but then I saw a sign with “train” on and beside of it a sign with “Stop”. My mom wrote this book called “Life goes on”. My dad just sat there and ate cheerios purely. We went by many stores, where my brother saw a gun store and in the window, there was a handgun. We also saw a vegetable store, where we bought carrots and potatoes. Another store on the way to the museum was a hardware store, where in the windows there stood a coffee machine, a whisk and knife.
We were almost there and the streets have these strange names, one of them named “Pluto” – weird. Finally, we were at the museum.
On our way home, we saw a Chanel shop and I just needed to go in there. “Mom I am hungry”, my brother said, and my mom shout to my dad, “Hey honey, haven’t been in the store?” and he said, “Not yet darling”. Then we went to the store and bought food from the brand, “first price”. The time was around 10 p.m. and we went back to our hotel.

Our vacation was over and we were about fly home. We flight back home to the J.F. Kennedy Airport”. 

1 comment:

  1. The piece reads like a diary entry about a relatively boring trip to Paris. The family doesn't meet anyone interesting, and the potentially interesting things they see and do are not really described. For example, the Louvre is not described at all, but the boring trip TO the Louvre is discussed in great detail. At least it conforms to the non-fiction genre that travel writing is.

    The ingredients are not used very creatively. A bird is a bird, a type of food is used as a type of food. Only the street name of Pluto was a truly creative use of a word from the ingredient list.

    It's always better to stick to one tense: all in the past tense, or all in the present. Don't shift back and forth - it gets very confusing.


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