Shall he compare you to a summer's
day? Or thou you are more lovely and more temperate than you. Rough winds that
shake the trees of May, and summer's all to short. Sometimes even to hot, but
not as hot as you my darling. But the summer pasts and you do not. Neither do
you lose your charm or love. You will not die, and it is why he write this for
you when you grow I love to show. So long as men can breathe or eyes can see, so
long lives this, and this gives life to him.
I like the illustration a lot!
ReplyDeleteWere you confused about the rule of using only one-syllable words? You used 'compare', 'summer', 'sometimes', 'darling', 'lovely', 'temperate' - all of which have at least two syllables...
Most of the story is there in your version, but some of the sentences don't really make sense: "Or thou you are more lovely and more temperate than you." - You are more lovely than you??? Whut? Look through the pronouns and figure out who you are talking about: who is the 'you', and who is the 'he'?
Here is how it could be told: "Will says he likes her, more than May and the sun. She will stay hot, thanks to his lines. Me too!"